The Journey & The Struggle, Following Up with Lacy & Darrell

Today we’re doing a check-in, following up with one of our Getting Personal couples from a previous episode, Lacy and Darrell. If you haven’t already, make sure to listen in to their first episode, “Getting Personal: Lacy & Darrell”, on IGNTD.com.


It’s been a couple months since we’ve last talked to Lacy and Darrell and they have a lot to update us on — from their continued struggles to their new successes through radical transparency. Remember, this is a real couple talking about the real stuff that’s going on in their lives. With these Getting Personal episodes, we want you to be a fly on the wall to understand that every couple’s journey may not be super clean or consistently involve linear progress — it may have a ton of ups and downs. You’re going to hear a lot of the struggles that Lacy and Darrell have gone through, but also a lot about their continued progress and the growing that they’ve done together as a couple.


Many thanks to Lacy and Darrell for trusting us enough with their story and truly showing up to each session. It takes a lot of bravery to talk about the stuff that we talked about today, so we definitely recommend you listen in to this honest, raw, real session with Lacy and Darrell.


Topics Discussed:

[1:40] About today’s check-in episode with Lacy and Darrell.

[3:04] A fantastic review from an amazing fan of the week.

[4:05] Our goal for IGNTD.

[5:51] More about the theme of today’s episode.

[6:21] The relationship tip of the week!

[9:14] More about today’s episode with Lacy and Darrell.

[12:02] Conversation portion of the podcast with Lacy and Darrell.

[13:03] Recapping the last episode with Lacy and Darrell.

[14:16] The couple gives us an update on how they’ve been doing since the podcast.

[16:35] What has been going on from Darrell’s viewpoint.

[19:40] Lacy and Darrell’s discussion about STDs that helped ground and humble Darrell.

[20:42] How their days changed when these conversations became front and center.

[23:36] Lacy and Darrell’s relationship the past couple of months from Lacy’s perspective and the recent turn-around in the last couple of weeks.

[25:00] What works for Lacy and Darrell to resolve issues before they start, and Darrell’s take on why it helps.

[26:14] What comes up for Lacy when she asks Darrell these quick questions.

[27:43] What comes up in Darrell’s head when Lacy asks one of these questions.

[28:40] About Lacy and Darrell both needing to get to a place where they feel safe enough with each other to both be 100% honest.

[32:42] What to do going forward with the STD scare.

[34:34] Shifting the perspective on uncomfortable conversations to help the couple continue to move forward.

[36:15] What could happen if Darrell shifted his perspective about uncomfortable situations.

[37:55] Darrell and Lacy’s experiences with everyday triggers and learning to move past them.

[43:02] The one element we can’t affect: time. And how to embrace that.

[45:02] Darrell’s past relationships and the difference in his relationship with Lacy.

[47:15] What makes it uncomfortable for Darrell to discuss certain things with Lacy, and Lacy’s thoughts on wanting to have these discussions.

[52:22] A recent situation with Darrell and Lacy and how we recommend resolving similar issues going forward.

[1:01:25] Darrell’s work towards creating a list of male role models.

[1:02:21] Our goal for Darrell to work towards: find something outside of work and Lacy that really ignites him and how to get there.

[1:05:36] How Lacy and Darrell can both step up and grow together as a couple.

[1:06:22] What to look forward to in their relationship.


Relationship Tip of the Week

Give yourself and your coupleship the time that it needs and the permission to go on the journey that it has to. If there’s one element you can’t control, it’s time. And you can’t rush it. There are so many layers of healing and time plays a key role in it and you absolutely cannot rush it. Put the work in and respect time!


Mentioned in this Episode:

IGNTD episode: “Getting Personal: Lacy & Darrell”

“What I Learned From My Husband’s Sex Addiction,” by Sophie Jaffe (mindbodygreen article)

“What It’s Like to be Married to a Sex Addict,” by Sophie Jaffe (Women’s Health article)

IGNTD Relationship Intro Course
Gabby Bernstein


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