Is My Kid a Bully? With Joe Newman
How nice would it be if we could actually understand why the bullying is happening in the first place? Then we could stop it at the source. That would protect not only the people who are being bullied, but the bully themselves. I don’t believe that anyone bullies because they really want to hurt others. Typically, it’s this maladapted attempt of a child exerting their own control because they feel out of it.
In today’s episode, we explore exactly this notion. We take a look at these situations from the parents’ perspective, the bully, and the bullied. And joining us to explore this topic is Joe Newman! Sophie recently discovered Joe after picking up his incredible book, Raising Lions, which is the culmination of his 25-year journey working with the most difficult kids, as well as a deep desire to build respect and love into our educational institutions and families. In his book, he gives practical steps to parents about helping their children develop the ability to self-regulate without undermining their confidence and individuality. The methods Joe outlines in it are practical, easy to implement, and based on common sense.
Joe brings his wealth of knowledge to the podcast and gets incredibly deep and vulnerable with us. He shares his own experience growing up with ADHD and often receiving negative feedback, as well as several examples from children and families he has worked with. He also explains the important role conflict plays for us and our children, how our children force us to evolve and how we should be setting boundaries, and the importance of consistency with children. Later in the episode, we even go through a sort of mock session about our son Leo where he gives us some tips and actionable steps we can take! It’s incredibly fascinating and we highly recommend you all tune in — even if you don’t have kids!
[:56] About today’s episode!
[2:14] Reading our review of the week.
[3:16] More about today’s conversation with Joe Newman.
[3:49] Reading a powerful quote from Joe.
[4:33] Speaking on the theme of children and bullying.
[6:29] What we’ll be speaking about today with Joe.
[7:15] About the IGNTD Glow Event and how you can win free tickets to the event!
[9:42] The conversation portion of the podcast.
[9:55] Sophie tells the story of how she found out about Joe.
[12:00] Speaking on the topic of ADHD and developing attention spans in children.
[17:41] The power/hold social media can have over us.
[19:50] Joe shares his experience growing up with ADHD and impulsiveness.
[22:50] Speaking about our own experiences with our children and their attention spans and impulsiveness.
[25:36] Joe gives his perspective as the kid whose behavior was constantly corrected and was often given negative feedback.
[26:45] The important role conflict plays for us and our children.
[30:44] How our children force us to evolve & how we should be setting boundaries.
[32:22] Telling a story of a situation that happened recently with our son, Leo. Joe shares how he would’ve handled the situation and offers us some tips for the future.
[39:09] How Joe is transcending the idea of “good” and “bad” with children.
[40:27] Speaking about our experience with boundaries when we were younger.
[42:43] Joe highlights the difference in children who are motivated by power vs. those motivated by approval.
[47:46] The importance of the consistency with boundaries for children.
[52:05] Joe goes more in-depth about how he has helped parents set boundaries with their children and create a system for them.
[54:04] Joe gives us some tips and actionable steps to take with Leo, walking us through a sort of “mock session” as if we were his clients.
[56:10] What Joe tells us about this fascinating study about bullying and explains why kids become bullies.
[1:02:34] Joe speaks about what the parents and the kids who are being bullied can do from their side.
[1:04:59] What is the best advice Joe has ever received?
[1:06:10] What has been Joe’s proudest moment to-date?
[1:08:15] What has been Joe’s hardest moment?
[1:10:23] What does Joe do day-to-day for his self-care?
[1:11:36] What ignites Joe?
[1:13:37] A huge thanks to Joe for joining us!
Mentioned in this Episode:
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